NYPD escorting a raccoon out of a beauty salon
Apparently kylesimmonsstache gets really excited about art.
LET’S FUCKIN TALK ABOUT ART
OH WHOA THAT’S A SWEET ASS MOTHERFUCKING CLASSICAL PAINTING BUT THEN FUCKIN LOOK AT THE DETAIL
TTHHHIIISSSSS IISSSSS AAAAA PAAAIINNNTTTIIINNNGGGG?!!?!!?!!!?!?!!! WHAT TO HECK????
FUCKIN SWEET ASS DAFT PUNK COLORED PENCILS HELLA
LOOK AT THIS AND TELL ME IT ISN’T FUCKIN RAD AS HELL
THIS LOOKS LIKE A SCENE OUT OF A MOVIE
OH SWEET LOOK AT THIS SCULPTURE RIGHT
JUST WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE HERE
THIS IS A DRAWING MADE TO LOOK LIKE A SCULPTURE I CAN’T FUCKING
LOOK MORE SWEET ASS COLORED PENCIL DRAWINGS
NOW I’M ABOUT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY BRO BERNINI OKAY JUST TRUST ME ON THIS
ALREADY GORGEOUS RIGHT
FUCKING LOOK AT THAT LOOK AT IT I’M FUCKING
HOW DOES MARBLE LOOK LIKE GOSSAMER FABRIC HOOOOOWWWW??!!!!?
I live in Osaka, Japan and often use the subway to go to work in the morning. One day while I was waiting for the train, I noticed a homeless man standing in the corner of the subway station muttering to himself as people passed by. He was holding out a cup and seemed to be begging for spare change.
An overweight woman passed by the homeless man and I distinctly heard him say, “Pig.”
Wow, this man is insulting people and he still expects them to give him money?
Then a tall businessman went by and the man muttered, “Human.”
Human? I can’t argue with that. Obviously, he was human.
The next day, I arrived early at the subway station and had some time to kill, so I decided to stand close to the homeless man and listen to his strange mutterings. A thin, haggard-looking man passed in front of him and I heard the homeless guy mutter, “Cow.” Cow? The man was much too skinny to be a cow. To me, he resembled a turkey or a chicken. A minute or so later, an obese man went by and the homeless man said, “Potato.” Potato? I was under the impression that he called all fat people “Pig”.
That day at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man and his puzzling behavior. I kept trying to find some logic or pattern in what he as muttering. Perhaps he has some kind of psychic ability. In Japan many people believe in reincarnation, so maybe he knows what these people were during a previous life. I observed the man many times and began to think my theory was right. I often heard him calling people things like “Rabbit”, “Onion”, “Sheep”, or “Tomato”.
One day, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him what was going on. As I walked up to him, he looked at me and said, “Bread.” I tossed some money into his cup and asked him if he had some kind of psychic ability. The man smiled and said, “Yes, indeed. It is an ability I obtained many years ago, but it’s not what you might expect. I can’t tell the future or read minds or anything like that.”
“Then what is your ability?” I asked eagerly.
“The ability is merely to know the last thing somebody ate,” he said.
I laughed because I realized he was right. He said, “Bread.” The last thing I had eaten for breakfast that day was toast. I walked away shaking my head. Of all the psychic abilities someone could have, that one must be the most useless.
HUMANSWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST
shit i’d watch this so damn hard
Seriously, 12 straight men acting as gay as humanly possible, I would die.
I’m not the first to make this joke and by god I won’t be the last
OH MY GOD
I will sing you morning lullabies
Said no more counting dollars
We’ll be, we’ll be counting stars